Heartbreak Town

Today I am watching it rain a thousand miles away. All weekend long I've been, well, worried. One eye on my studying and one eye on the TV. Sleeping with the TV on. Glued to the computer. I have been remembering places that I know are three years gone.

I remember wearing the absolutely wrong, hot, bulky sweater to go dancing on Bourbon Street after a long day of traveling in a van with a bunch of people I didn't know (long story). Brown Eyed Girl was playing in almost every club that we went to and Hurricanes were in every blender at every bar. One of the girls we were with lived my nightmare and sang a karaoke song that got booed. I always thought that if put on the spot I'd sing the exact same song.

I am missing a man who decided one morning he wanted to have lunch in New Orleans, so we piled in the car and drove over for the day from Diamondhead, Mississippi. After we ate we turned around and drove straight back. He's been gone for six months already. That hardly seems possible.

I know people who live there now and I'm praying they are all safe today. I guess I'm feeling sad for a place that has given me some very nice memories.

I'm Not Sleeping

A couple of weeks ago I was trying to go to sleep in Kay's bed in Southern Cal. That day I had flown across the country, gone to our reunion, out to dinner...just a very long, long day. I was so tired I couldn't sleep.

At approximately (or exactly?) 9:35pm I heard the familiar pop pop pop sizzle of the Disneyland fireworks. It almost made me cry - it was so familar and yet made me feel so old and like I had gotten so far away from who I used to be.

Sleeping in that little girl's bed, I wondered if she paid attention to those sounds of her childhood and if they were things she would remember later in her life. Will she always live in the shadow of the Matterhorn or will she explore someplace else where the night doesn't explode at precisely 9:35 every night?

No One Ever Is To Blame

From Kim after my last visit to CA: Hey there - According to Kay, YOU left fruit roll up wrappers on her floor, an empty Capri Sun container and a plate with chips and salsa!!!!!!!! LOL! LOL!

From me: That is SO funny -- when we were driving to the airport you said something about her not eating in her room and I thought -- then I wonder how that plate and cups got in there? They've been there since at least Monday -- but I didn't do it!

So...is it wrong to rat out your Godchild? I felt guilty about it for a week.

Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me)

This week I am becoming a college student again. Starting Wednesday I will be an East Carolina University Pirate. I got a booklet in the mail for new students that included a 10 item list of what to do (and not do) at ECU football games. Apparently, I am supposed to hate NC State (sorry Beth) even though the feeling isn't mutual. There were cheers listed that I'm supposed to learn and traditions to upload. It was a fun reminder of all the other things you learn that aren't in books.

I'm "attending" online so this will be a lot different than my days at Fullerton and Sonoma. No roommates, no dining halls...no ditching class, no one to pass notes with in class. Should be interesting -- or at least as interesting as accounting can be.

Rainy Days and Mondays

I really did have the best of intentions. I was going to get up this morning, go to the gym and try running on the treadmill (in general, I do not run). I was going to sleep in a little, get there at 10 and do something until 11, then come home and tackle my day. But you see, early this morning there were rumbles of thunder, and then the pitter-patter of raindrops. There was a dog snuggled up next to me who is afraid of the rain. It is one of those mornings where, had it been a weekday, I would have thought it was a lovely day to stay home in bed. So I am.

Besides, somehow in this day I need to finish my laundry, make a couple of necklaces, run to the pet store, paint my toes, write about 10 emails, upload some pictures, start making piles of things to pack for Vegas (work, not play), watch the Olympics (since when do I like basketball?), watch last week’s Mad Men, watch this week’s Mad Men, and tackle the pile of work I brought home from the office. Isn’t that enough running?

Wake me up when it’s Monday. I’m going back to bed.

Photograph

Look at this photograph

Every time I do it makes me laugh

So I worried for nothing (of course). I think we all did. We spent an afternoon laughing at our former selves, the boys we used to like and gave little snapshots of who we are now. Living in NC, single, job (why can't my job have an easier name???). That's all. That's enough.

It was amazing how everyone was really the same. I didn't go to my 10 year reunion but after this weekend I think it's likely I will go to my 20th in a few years. It was just one day, but it was one day that hopefully reconnected the threads of my past and my present, and maybe those threads will reach into the future. I go back to CA often enough that I should be able to keep in touch, though it is harder from 3000 miles away (everything is).

I don't know if it's my only-childness, or my nomadic childhood, or my horrible friend-keeping skills, but it was astonishing to me that anyone remembered anything about me at all. It's completely irrational -- I remember so many details about other people it's completely normal that they would have to remember me too. It's just that I've been gone so long and was there for such a short time...it just seems like it would be forgettable. But a couple of the girls remembered my car that smelled like maple syrup, and singing Debbie Gibson songs, and there were pictures of me that I've never seen, and the core group of girls who I spent several years with were all just who I remembered them to be. I'm so glad I made the effort -- it was so worth it.

Absolutely (Story of a Girl)

If someone asked you to sum up your life, could you?

I'm headed back to So Cal in a day and will be seeing about a dozen girls I haven't seen since high school, longer ago than I care to admit. When I think back to the rose colored days of after school practices, crushes, biology tests and (really unfortunate) big hair, they were all there. It was high school, so of course it was difficult, but there were lots of good times too -- bus rides to Mt Carmel, winning gold medals (I still have mine), initiations, proms...the bad things all fade until you only remember the good.

Ever since this reunion plan was hatched, I've been trying to think of how I am going to explain who I am to these people who knew me once but now don't know me at all. Will I bring up the days at the bank that dissolved into FBI interviews and police tape? The multiple breakups with the guy they all know (and may still talk to?) or the long relationship with the one they don't? How do I explain the years of solitude? (My heart really was just that broken...) How about how I lost my sense of smell last year? How I adore my dog, bought a house, love my job, and live to watch boys on skates? How about my lack of baby pictures to show off but a love for travel that has taken me all over the country? A stronger family than I had 10 years ago and a bunch of friends I'd go to the end of the Earth for....what really is the sum of a person?

I just don't know what I'll say.

American Baby

Driving home tonight I was flying down Capital Blvd, just about the only car out there. The clock struck 9 and the sky lit up. By the time I got home I had driven past 7 different sets of fireworks from Franklin County to Wake Forest to Raleigh. It was kind of cool seeing all the small town celebrations from a distance and the bigger ones in Raleigh. Mix that with the lightning from a pretty powerful storm that just blew through and you had dueling light shows. Little dandelions of colors and then blinding white lights. Very cool.

Happy birthday America!

Bye Bye Boyfriend

Happy Canada Day everyone! Or more specifically, to the little hamlet called Edmonton, Happy Cole Day! Today my favorite hockey player was traded to a team far, far away. I wish him well and hope that he has plenty of defensemen to protect him and his precious neck. For those who aren't in on the folklore, Erik's neck was broken during a game in the spring of 2006. He recovered enough to come back a few months later in game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final. A legend was born complete with heroes and villains (boo, Orpik, boo!). Be nice to him, Edmonton.

Wherever You Will Go

I've spent the last week on vacation, basically checked out of my own life. I tried to stay up late, tried to sleep late, hung out (briefly) at the beach and spent a lot of time at the hotel pool. I had wonderful weather and really got to relax and just be quiet. It was a little lonely, but I enjoyed myself.

Driving home from Wilmington, I got on the opening onramp to I-40. The first mile marker sign I passed said Barstow 2554. Soon after I passed another that said Raleigh 123. The shorter path would take me home, but I quite liked knowing that if I missed the exit and drove and drove I'd still be headed towards home.

No Sacrifice

I listen to some music that no one else I know listens to. I am often sad that great bands who aren't celebrity driven don't always seem to make it into the public consciousness, so I buy album after album so they will know they have at least one fan out here. Sometimes, my little secrets end up turning into the Next Big Thing (see John Mayer five years ago).

Anyway, I recently got the new Theory of a Deadman cd (Scars & Souvenirs, barely in stores now). I first became aware of them several years ago during the hockey playoffs when reading a song listing on a Canadian hockey website (I really, truly am a dork when it comes to hockey. I told you.*). As a result, their music tends to put me in a hockey mood. The last track on the new cd is an absolutely perfect hockey song. Some of the lyrics:

Everybody expects me to break but I'll never break down again
Everybody expects me to give up but you'll never see me giving in
Everybody wants me to lose but I'll never lose who I am
No I'm sorry to say There'll be no sacrifice today

Really athlete-ish, isn't it? I even thought about emailing the Canes and suggesting they add this to the rotation during games (they play the same 20 songs every game and I'm a little sick of Cotton Eye Joe). I was so happy today when I saw a commercial for the OLYMPICS that used No Sacrifice. Someone else with a little pull must have heard the same thing. It just brought a smile to my face. Maybe I'm not their only fan.


*Please note it has been exactly 2 months and 1 week since my last hockey mention. I am trying. However, I'd like to point out the Canes drafted two guys named Zach this weekend, and one more named Michal Jordan. I suspect he'll play his minor league hockey for Carolina, then be traded to Chicago as soon as he makes the big team. He'll end his career playing for the Caps.

Good Stuff

In searching for the perfect post title I sometimes have to dig through my cd collection of my mp3 player. Because I was posting about girls I knew in high school I was looking for something time and place appropriate. A little web searching brought up a lit of the top 100 songs in those years (1989 wasn't such a bad year). I was horrified to be reminded of such lyrical magic as "The Humpty Dance," "I Wanna Sex You Up," and "I Touch Myself." Good times. There is also a whole lot of Mariah Carey, Paula Abdul and New Kids on the Block. Everything old is new again.

Deadbeat Club

I read an article recently that discussed how school reunions (and as a result, alumni fundraising) are hurting because of sites like My Space, Facebook, and blogs. If you don't lose touch with people in the first place, there is no mystery to push you to go to a school sponsored event, where they can then pump you for money. It's an interesting problem but I always thought reunions were more of a high school thing, and not necessarily about fundraising. Then again, I didn't go to mine and don't know if they passed the hat. My college doesn't do them.

This morning, a friend I haven't seen in 15 years or so proposed the idea of a bunch of us getting back together. (Of course, we all found each other again on My Space.) I think it would be fun -- except for the 3000 mile trip to get there -- and hope it comes together and that I'll be able to go. Most of us were in different classes so we wouldn't be going to the same reunions anyway.

It's an interesting idea, getting together with a bunch of people you haven't seen in so long. How do you catch up 15 years in one night? Or more importantly, how much weight can I lose first?

[Note: High school was all about the B52s (for dancing) and Depeche Mode (for kissing) -- I think I've since seen them both at least 5 times. The most memorable was a trip with Eddeane and Michele and 2 other random people to someplace in Hollywood. The opening act was Love Tractor. We had to leave early for my mom to drive us home. I think I got in trouble because we were late meeting her at the car.]

Every Breath You Take

Back when I was in high school Kim and I had one way to find out what everyone was up to -- you drove by their house, over and over, hoping for someone to come outside or walk past a window so you could see if they were home. OK, so it sounds like stalking but it really wasn't, and I don't think we were the only people who were doing it. For years after we would run the same path across town, going by Kari's house and Tressa's house and Jimmy's house and David's house and Gino's house (always, always Gino's house).

Age everyone a dozen years or so...people come and go and move on to the next stop in their lives. None of my friends (or non-friends, or ex-boyfriends) live in those houses anymore. I'm sure no one's parents live in those houses anymore. We've gotten past that now and when I'm home we no longer stalk the citizens of Anaheim. I don't think Kim, who still lives in the same neighborhood, ever gives a second thought to who used to live where. For me, it's the only think I think about....Deaner lives a couple of blocks over there, Jason lived in that cul-de-sac and that's the house (on a very busy street you can't avoid) where someone once asked me to marry him "someday" -- we told our parents and everything -- we were 17. The city is full of memories and when I go home I look around an wonder....

With the evolution of Google, and My Space and all those other networking sites, you no longer need to drive around wondering where everyone went. As my old friend Shelley said (who I haven't actually laid eyes on since 1992), My Space has turned into Loara Space. Eddeane still has the same car, and a half-grown son. Carrie's hair is still curlier than mine (if you can imagine that). A boring afternoon Googling random names turned up both my ex-bf's little brother's impending wedding (complete with picture of ex-bf...and his wife), as well of the wedding site of my college roommate (complete with pics of this girl I now barely recognized). The boy from half a lifetime ago is married and expecting a baby girl of his own.

Friends come and go. Some are meant to always be in your life -- you grow with each other and little disagreements are just that. Others are in your life for just a short while and serve a purpose -- for one night, at a job, for a summer, for just one year. A misunderstanding can end the whole relationship, like a collapsing house of cards. It used to be that was that -- hurt pride and days go by, a friend gets lost for good. Until a few years go by and suddenly they're back. No more wondering.


PS Will someone please post some more wedding pictures? I want to see more!

Walking in My Shoes

I walked 3 miles for all the women I care about...

...and then I came home and took a 5 hour nap.

Fixing a Hole

"Who is going to explain everything to us now?"

That was my mother's reaction this afternoon when I asked her if she had heard the news about the death of Tim Russert. She was so upset she all but hung up on me.

When I got the "breaking news" email this afternoon I actually gasped. Beth asked me, what's wrong? I almost couldn't tell her; I knew she would be as upset as I was. We sat in our office, stunned, for the rest of the afternoon. Wendy called from home once she found out about it -- all of us interested in the world, in politics, in the personalities at NBC News.

For months I've gone to my class at the gym on Tuesday nights with an eye on the clock, knowing what time that day's primary polls were closing, knowing I was going to go home and spent a cozy evening with Tim, Keith, Chris and cousin Brian.

I've had a love for politics and policy for about 16 years now -- I can trace it back to a certain day in a certain class in another life of mine. Watching MTP wasn't really a cool thing to do with my college friends -- I always felt like it was my dirty little secret. Sunday is always my "sleep in" day and somehow I am always awake in time for Tim (and on a slow news day, the Sports Reporters). It's like dessert for breakfast. Sort of like how other people like to spend Sunday morning reading the New York Times or working on a crossword puzzle. Every week I get an email telling me who is going to get grilled on Meet the Press and I announce it to anyone who I think will care. My DVR has been set to record it for a couple of years now, just in case I oversleep.

How will this ever be the same? It certainly won't be as much fun.

Blonde Over Blue

I've had this hair all my life.

Leaving Las Vegas

I'm sitting in the Las Vegas airport waiting to go home. I'm still sunburned and I'm tired - body and mind. I learned a lot of thinks I don't need to know, figured out my phone, and had my fancy dinner (stretch Hummers were involved along with a lot of food I can barely describe).

My plane will take me back to NC late (late!) tonight and I'll be headed to my parents to pick up Zoey. After sleeping in their guest bed, the hotel bed, Kaitlyn's bed and Kim's couch, it will be VERY nice to sleep in my own bed Friday night. I can't remember the last time I was so happy to be leaving Las Vegas.

*Note: I actually wrote this Thursday but for some reason it didn't post. I'm posting it now from the comfort of my own office in my own house.

Since U Been Gone

I've been away a while. I've been kind of busy...

There was the funeral. A trip to Indiana to see dozens of people I didn't know but who all seemed to care about my grandfather and my family (we should all be so lucky). Catching up with my cousins. The trip home that took an extra 9 hours.

A lot of work. A coworker and his wife (who have been friends of mine for years) leaving for El Salvador to pick up a long awaited addition to their family, but which left me with more work to do (and teach) while he was away. I'm not the slightest bit upset by it, but it has disrupted things for me. Learning lots of new things and figuring out how to change a bunch of things easily, but change is never easy, so it's taking too long...

The last days of the hockey season. For a while everything was peachy...then it wasn't. Things came down to the very last game, and then someone else's very last game before we really knew it was over. It was heartbreaking, but given all the other stuff I've got going on in my life right now, an easy thing to get over.

The decision to apply to grad school after 12 years of thinking about it. Signing up for a test I thought I could take easily then taking a practice test and finding this may be harder than I thought. Studying. Studying. Studying.

A trip to CA (I'm there now) followed by a business trip to Las Vegas tomorrow. A surprise fancy-pants dinner while I'm there that will require an emergency trip to the mall in the morning. Three little league games in one day and a trip to American Girl Place (wow).

Just lots of...stuff. A new phone, an old car, a sunburn. A new goal, a new dress, something to look forward to...just what I've been up to since I've been gone.

Where Are You Going?

Michael McCann was a great man. I adored him unabashedly. He has been my hero, my confindant, my greatest supporter and my link to a simpler, more gracious time. He grew up during the Depression and after his own father ran off, lived in a telephone office. He didn't grow up in a home with music and had a job when most kids today are playing little league.

He loved my grandmother, Betty, and through his career took her off on a life full of adventures taking them from Kokomo, Indiana, to Rio de Janiero, Tehran and Siagon. They raised two girls (one would become my mother), little diplomats in their own lives. The adventures eventually ended and Betty lost her battle with cancer, almost 20 years ago.

Though Betty would remain the great love of his life, he did marry again (twice) and spent his later years in a small town in Missouri. I've spent a lot of time there, including one week alone with him while his wife was away, just hanging out and telling stories. My favorite memory of that week was us hiding from a tornado (sirens and all) in his basement - two thrill seekers standing next to an open door with a black sky swirling outside.

All of us, mom, Gail, Seth, Aaron and I were very, very lucky to have learned so much from him about his life, the world, and how to really tell people how you feel about them. Above all, be kind, be courteous, be careful...and don't be mean.

He left us Monday. I hope that if there is a way for him to be with my grandmother again he has found her. I miss him already.

Where are you going, where do you go?
Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars?
If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me
until a brighter day
It’s okay, where are you going, where do you go?
I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing for sure
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go, is where I want to be
Dave Matthews Band

Say Goodbye

Stillman, Commodore headed to Ottawa after trade from Carolina
Caniac Nation is freaking out a bit today. I came home and did what I do when hockey trades go down. I check out what the interwebs have to say.

It's never good when the trade headline give top billing to the players leaving your team. It's like, these two great guys have gone away to win where they can. Good luck with that, boys! Oh yeah, almost forgot. You get these two back in return. Good luck with that, Canes fans.

The Shot Heard Round the World

I heard the words before I realized what was happening.

"When in the course of human events..."

As soon as I heard them I stopped and stood still.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

These are words that put my life on this path. And made me fall in love with the ideas of Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Dr King.

"We mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. If you saw it you know these were read by football players, coaches, NYPD officers, soldiers. It was just a part of the pre-game hoopla. A national holiday for most -- I'm glad they threw it in. It made my day.

Tanzania

When I was a little girl I thought I was really, really lucky to be born a blonde, blue-eyed girl with two parents and that I was born in California, the best state in the best country in the world! Really, what are the odds? This wasn't a supremacy thing or anything like that, it's just that I knew there were people who were poor, or other races, or who spoke other languages or lived in someplace far away like Iowa (the horror!). I knew I had been blessed with an easy start. Statistically I had hit the jackpot. Like I said, I was little and my world view was, well, rather small.

As I've grown up, I've really come to realize I didn't have it all that wrong. I grew up with very fortunate circumstances. Sure, my parents divorced and money was an issue. But I've always had a place to live, food to eat and people who love me. I got a great education and I didn't have to take classes at night or work 3 jobs to do it. I've been unlucky in love (so far), but I have great friends and family and I always have something fun to do. I work really hard and feel like I've earned what I have.

There's still this little voice that tells me I've had things too easy, that other people have it so hard. I need to give something back and throughout the year I scatter token donations to the AHA, the ACS, and the USO (I really like buying phone cards for soldiers at the holidays). I walk for juvenile diabetes (for Beth) and for breast cancer (for Linda & Phyllis). My new favorite is Kiva (kiva.org). With Kiva, you get to lend money to an actual person to improve their life and then they pay you back and you can help someone else.

Some friends are very instrumental in raising money for Beacon of Hope, a charity in Africa. They put on a concert every year here in North Carolina to raise money for strangers, a half a world away. This year we were able to download some of the artists' songs before the show. The week before the concert I was in California visiting my old haunts, but listening to music that tied me back to this place and made me think about women a world away. Overlooking the beach at Bodega Head I marveled once again at my luck.

So lately, because of this concert and this music and this opportunity to help women so far away, I've recently chosen businesswomen to help in Tanzania. All because of one song.


Oh yeah -- and I know now that CA isn't the greatest state. And I'm actually quite partial to Canada.

Home to Me

The other day I said something about one of my agents having a client in Santa Rosa where I used to live. A couple of months before that I was rooting for Dustin Pedroia and the Boston Red Sox, because Dustin and I share the same hometown (Woodland, CA). What's funny about that is that I only lived in the city limits for 1 year, but went to school there for 7. That was my longest stretch in one spot. Sometimes at the gym I wear a Sonoma State t-shirt. I'm from Anaheim. I'm from Sacramento. For a summer when I was 14 I thought I was moving to LA (really Orange County, SO not the same thing). I'm from a tiny town in the country no one has ever heard of (Capay, CA). I'm from the Bay Area. Most simply, I'm from California.

Have you seen those commercials where the person needs their cell phone coverage to reach a made up city -- the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious of geography. THAT is where I'm from! In my life I've lived in 22 houses in 12 places. A little bit of me is from each place, but none of them are really "home."

At this time in my life North Carolina feels most like home. It should -- I've been here almost 10 years. I still don't know where most of the towns are and without my friend Beth I'd have no sense of direction or space or history of this place. I'll never be "from" here and know that no matter how slight of an accent I pick up or how many years I live here, I'll always be from somewhere else. But when I go back to CA, I'm not from there either. It's really pretty strange -- like I'm an expatriate within my own country.

I guess that takes us back to "home is where the heart is." My heart is scattered across the country and places I've never lived -- North Carolina, Virginia, Missouri, California. I guess I'm from North Calissournia.

Waiting on the World to Change

You, dear Rebecca, are not the only one who has lost their muse. I just haven't had a thing to say. I have been alternately too stressed, bored, addicted to campaign coverage, working at home, at the gym, working on an online photography store, watching the Canes stuggle, and a whole bunch of other not interesting things, all of which kept me from posting. Oh yeah, and re-learning how to knit. I don't say any of this as a means of complaint, but to explain that nothing interesting has happened lately for me to write about. Life happens for sure, but most of it is just the same thing every day with different weather and clothes.

Today there are several elections and caucuses happening. My BA is in political science and I love watching this stuff -- I've had MSNBC on for almost 9 hours already today. As I wait for the rain outside to turn to snow at 3pm (or at least that's what the Weather Channel said) I thought I'd rattle off a few random thoughts...

As a disclaimer, I've been a D since I first registered to vote in 1991 and voted in my first election in 1992. I have very good friends and relatives who are R (at work we call them Rs and Ds so as not to enflame anyone too much). Heck, I've even got L's in my family. I think I can see all sides of the issues fairly and understand the appeal of both.

Regardless of party, I want us to choose a president to make the world better. There are a lot if issues that I care about and hope the next president tries to tackle them. Global warming, health care, education, the housing crisis, poverty around the world, equal rights for all people, the war, stable relationships with the rest of the world...seems like too big of a job for one person to manage. I know there won't be any candidate I completely agree with, but I hope we hire someone who cares about those things too, and can get enough other people to work with him or her to try to make some headway in fixing all the things that seem broken.

If you haven't read Elizabeth Edwards' book, you should. She's an amazing woman who has battled through the same sorts of tragedies and difficulties as everyone else with candor and grace. Without knowing her, I feel like I do. There were experiences she detailed that were just so...normal. I wish nothing but the best for her and her family. I know people who don't like her husband because he made a fortune as a trial lawyer. Why we wouldn't want someone who was obviously very good at his job to be president?

I know the Ds will surely pick Hillary or Barack. I'm ok with that but I'm not in love with either of them yet.

I've been watching the R debates and listening to what they all have to say. There are some very interesting positions out there and I want to know as much as I can about them all to see how the final races may play out. There are things I like about most of them and a few things that bother me. I sort of like Huckabee, but I'm concerned with his idea about making the Constitution more like the bible (or something along those lines). Don't get me wrong -- I'm not slamming the bible, but one of the founding tenets of this country is the separation of church and state (I know that One Nation under God doesn't quite fit that) and that just sounds exclusionary from the first jump.

MSNBC called a winner in the Republican caucus in Nevada with only 4% of the results in. That's just silly. It will probably pan out, but to base a result on the first 1000 people seems irresponsible to me. I'd rather they get it right than get it first.

Is it really so hard to pronounce the word Nevada? Maybe it's just because I grew up in neighboring California, but really folks, it's not that difficult.

Last thought -- my R friend in Nevada better have gone to a caucus today. Put your education to work & make Andy proud. Can't you just imagine how much fun he must be having with this now? (Did you end up marrying another R?)

That's all for now -- another round of speeches is starting.

PS -- It just started snowing at 350p.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone!



My new year's resolution will be to stop by here more often. In the meantime enjoy the boys from IU. My family has deep roots back to Indiana. I can't take credit for them, but I can make sure everyone gets to enjoy them.

I Will Not Take These Things For Granted

My family - specifically, my grandfather, who is sharing another holiday with us, which wasn't so certain a few weeks ago.

My friends - I'm not able to see or talk to them as often as I'd like, but I think of them every day. I've been able to spend a lot of time with most of you this year and it's meant a lot to me.

My health -- lots of weird little things this year, but at the end of the day everything is ok.

My job - that challenges me, exhausts me, makes me crazy and gives me a reason to laugh every day. I am so lucky to work with people I like.

My God-daughter - who wants a diary with a lock on it for Christmas. Remember the secrets you had when you were six years old?

I hope you are all having a safe and warm holiday with friends or family!

Love to all, Heather

Anna Begins

Tonight I was looking through my CDs and found a totally awesome disk that I didn’t even remember owning. I used to have a bit of a CD buying problem and in the last two years (since I bought my house?) that has dwindled to almost nothing. I think buying songs online has contributed as well. After my recent road trip I’m tired of the same 15 CDs I always tote around with me. Now I feel like I got a new CD and it didn’t cost a thing.

This CD has a song I just adore. A few years ago I was listing to friends play music at a coffee house in Durham (or was it Chapel Hill?) and I almost fell out of my chair when they played this song. I always thought it was mine.

I’m going to listen to it on the way to work tomorrow and remember who I used to be. Hint: it wasn’t Anna.

PS Whatever happened to the Mumbling Beefheads?

Walking in My Shoes

I’ve had a lot going on lately. That’s why I haven’t been showing up here. I wish I could say it was something wonderful, something fantastic. I wish I could say I’d fallen in love and run off with some tall, handsome stranger. I wish I could say I’d won the lottery. I wish for a lot of things. Instead, I just work. A lot.

There have been changes there lately. Not all good. Not all bad. Most requiring more effort and more caring and just…more of everything. Anyone that knows me well knows that when I get stressed out I cut people out and hunker down. The thing is, now I have to pay extra attention to the people and still do more stuff. It’s an acquired skill and I just don’t have it yet.

Goodbye to a River

I love rainy days. The kind where you just want to sit on the couch, bundled in pajamas and an old quilt and finish the book you’ve been working on for weeks. They have to be cloudy, gray, drippy days that aren’t worth going outside.

It’s been ages since we’ve had rain. I really miss it.

Wide Open Spaces

The morning started with a drive from American Canyon (let's just call it Vallejo) to Novato then out to Bodega Bay. Bodega is one of those places where I can just...breathe.

Isn't it heaven?

Then I went to Rohnert Park, where Sonoma State University is located. They have Starbucks now -- of course I found it immediately. I went to the bookstore on campus and it still looked exactly the same as it did the first time I went there, almost 20 years ago as a freshman in high school. The rest of the campus looks totally different.

Something is eating Stevenson Hall.

Going back to the hotel I drove through Santa Rosa, Sonoma and Napa. I was out driving for hours and hours. It was a lovely day.

Welcome to Paradise

I never told y'all the final story with my smeller. I've now had a CT scan, an MRI and spent 2 weeks on steroids to take care of the infection in my sinuses that was literally blocking my sense of smell. The steroids seem to have done the trick and I can smell again. It was scary for a few weeks but everything seems to be much better now.

I've also arrived in Northern California and some of the first things I noticed were the smells. My rental car smells like this weird air freshener that I've only smelled at car washes in California. It is not good.

Vallejo smells like, well...Vallejo. It's sort of a diesel-y seaside swampy thing. My french fries from Bud's smelled (and tasted) much greasier than I remembered. If I go back this trip I need to remember they need salt (and I don't put salt on anything).

I was very disoriented driving up to my hotel. I think some of the freeways have moved (is that possible?) and there are definitely lots of new things. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Learn to Fly

Most days I don't notice just how much the world has changed in the last six years. The aftereffects of 9/11 hasbecome a part of our daily lives and collective history. We are all aware of the changes, but they are not so distressing, especially if you travel often. Stepping out of your shoes, skipping the coffee run on the way to the airport and judging the combined quantity of liquids in your carry-on...it's just what we do now.

As I write this I am on a flight from Dallas to Oakland. I've been planning this trip for months and really looking forward to it for the last week or so. I needed to get away from myself for a while. But sitting here on the airplane, I'm apprehensive and I can't judge if I am overreacting or if I need to be shouting. I think I'm a rational person who tends to look for reasonable explanations for everything. So I will give you my set of circumstances and let you be the judge -- is this normal post-9/11 fear or am I just nuts?

I am sitting near the front of the plane, in the second row of coach in the window seat, with the middle seat empty and a nice older women sitting on the aisle. She mentioned to the flight attendant that she is going to California to visit her daughter and little granddaughter. Normal enough so far, right? Then she asked the flight attendant how many people were in the cockpit and if there were always two people or if sometimes there were three? The flight attendant told her she couldn't discuss security procedures -- Grandma seemed miffed but acquiesced anyway. As soon as the seatbelt light went off she toddled up the restroom in first class (sans shoes) and while the lav in the front is infinitely closer than the one at the back of the plane, it is mere inches from the cockpit and I'm not sure I want her anywhere near it. When she came back she pulled out her cell phone (at you know, 30-something-thousand feet) and tried to make a phone call. Who does that? Is she trying to detonate something she left in the bathroom? Should I say something? Get ready to tackle her if she does anything else suspicious? Or am I completely paranoid?

I'm sure if I was on the ground I would think this was a sweet grandmother who just needed to "go" and didn't want to walk the entire length of the plane, wanted to make sure herself that there was plenty of security up front and as she isn't wearing a watch, was using her cell phone to see what time it was. That is what normal, pre-9/11 me would have thought.

It's really sad and I know it. But just in case, I'm not sleeping the rest of the flight.

Goin Back to Cali

I'm going home tomorrow. Not "where I live my life" home, but "where my heart was born" home. This trip started out as one thing and has turned into something completely different and the closer it gets, the more I know I really, really need it. I'm going to see where little me came to be, where I fell in like (and love) for the first time and places that just make my soul feel at peace. I'm going to see how much it has all changed and grown and see friends that I haven't seen in far too long.

I have this great litte t-shirt from pieces of a girl that I will never be little enough to wear, but I love what it says so it remains in my closet...

"She wasn't afraid to travel down an open road with nothing but horizon to keep her company..."

Kiss From A Rose

I haven't posted anything about it before, but I've been dealing with an usual medical problem. I lost my ability to smell. It was so gradual I didn't really notice it happening. I've always had allergies and figured my inability to smell was being inhibited because of pollen or dust or other gross things I'm going to try to avoid mentioning here. Eventually I had other problems with my ears which led to new allergy medicine and eventually I realized -- I can't smell! Actually, what I realized was that I could smell -- but that it was all wrong. Things that should be lovely, like perfume, smelled like moldy boxes. All milk smelled odd. My dog, who smells like, well, a dog, didn't smell like anything at all. I could put my face in a bunch of flowers and get nothing.

I found a wonderful doctor and tests were run and medicine was taken. I prepared myself to have lost this sense forever -- apparently it's quite common. We were going to rule out all the scary causes and then hope it would come back. Then, suddenly, about a week ago (and only 4 days into a 12 day course of intense pharmaceutical intervention), I smelled something. Something Good. Several Something Good's, actually. Perfume. Barbeque potato chips. Coffee. Wood chips baking in the sun through my open window at a fast-food drive through. My dog. My gym shoes (ok, not all good, but you know what I mean). A basket of muffins. Clean laundry. It has become such a comical experience -- but I need to acknowledge everything I smell. (I sort of feel sorry for my coworkers -- they get an alert every time a scent gets through.)

I am so, so, so lucky. It could have been something much worse. It could have been my sight or my hearing. It could have been something wrong in my head, rather than just my sinuses. My grandmother died from brain cancer and I wasn't aware of it but her first symptom was that she lost the ability to smell. I hadn't told my grandfather any of this until it started to be resolved (I had good news and wanted to share) and I scared him so badly he hung up on me (it's all ok now).

I've started a list of things I really want to smell...rain on the pavement, cinnamon rolls, autumn, a Christmas tree. I don't know if this is something that I'll have to deal with periodically or if it's a one-time-only sort of thing. For now I'm just going to take in everything I can.

Don't Stop Believing

I didn't always love sports. As a kid the only ones I would watch on tv were figure skating and gymnastics. I realized, at age 11, that my dream of competing at the Olympics would never come true. How sad is it to have your dreams dashed at the age of 11 anyway? (Darn that Mary Lou Retton!) Years passed, I grew up and along the way I discovered you can learn to do something just because you like it; you don't have to be the best or brightest and you can settle for less than world domination. Sometimes, it's just fun. For 5 years, starting at age 24, I took figure skating lessons. By the time I stopped I had 5 different jumps. Not good ones, and I didn't exactly get airborne, but if you ever need a demonstration of a salchow or toe loop, I'm your girl.

I think that's what is so magical about the Little League World Series. These are kids who have worked hard but are still having fun. It isn't a job. Someday they will look back and have this great story about something they did when they were 12, but it won't be who they are. I love the research the announcers have on the kids -- favorite players, favorite actors, favorite school subject. Next year I would love to go see Christian play in Williamsport, but really, I'd rather see him play with his friends at home. They grow up too fast as it is.

March Madness is sort of the same thing. Of course there are guys playing who use this as their tryout for the NBA. Those guys are the reason I usually want to change the channel. I watch for the seniors who have never played on tv before, but are getting a shot at the spotlight. They don't even get 15 minutes of fame -- it's more like 15 seconds. They'll go on to be hedge fund managers or dentists who just happen to be really tall.

In a season of scandals, the worst thing that happened in hockey this summer was Eric Staal's bachelor party. A bunch of farm kids getting drunk, being loud and yelling at cars at 4 in the morning (the horror!). This isn't a story about entitled rich brats -- it's just boys being boys and I'm totally OK with it. It sounds like the worst crime committed was that horrible shirt Jordan is wearing in his mug shot. (Seriously, it's like he dressed for jail before the party even started.)

Anyone who has been here before knows I unabashedly love hockey. There is no room for ego on a hockey team. Sure, there are superstars scattered across the league, but only a few are household names. Every guy on the ice is there to support every other one -- there really isn't room for the kind of players you see in football or basketball. At the end of every playoff series, both teams live up to shake hands - no one leaves until it's over. In other sports, the team that loses runs for the locker room (to hide their tears?). Training camp is only a few days away. I can hardly wait.

Celebrity

I was recently doing a little research on Amazon.com for something I needed to buy for work. As usual, I was distracted and wandered into other parts of the site (darn heuristics!). They have a feature that lets people create shopping lists --i.e. If you like John Mayer you'll probably like Jack Johnson, etc. So I started cracking up when I stumbled across this one: 5 Pop Stars You'd Like to Make-Out With (you may use a time machine).

I'm not sure what is funnier, the idea that anyone would sit around and make that specific list (it's rather g-rated), or, the concept that you are allowed to use a time machine. Which you know, doesn't really exist (did I even need to point that out?). Funny.

All These Things That I've Done

Things I didn't do this weekend:
Finish the six (6!) blog postings I've started over the last few weeks but never finished
Write an email to an old friend that I've been meaning to write for about 2 months
Use my backyard grill (maybe that one time was enough?)
Watch any sports, other than highlights of the Little League World Series
Watch any shows I had saved in my tv (I really should just delete them -- I'm never going to watch them)
Call Kim
See the last 30 minutes of The Company because the video feed froze (I did listen though -- but I have no idea how it ended)
Work (yay!)

Things I did do this weekend:
Spent a lovely afternoon with Linda shopping for new clothes (always more fun when you have someone to shop with!)
Baked a quiche
Took a class at the gym
Had a bubble bath
Watched a movie
Read a book
Nothing, for hours at a time. It was wonderful.

Worlds Apart (Separate Ways)

A few things to preface tonight's story:

When out drinking with my friends in college I almost always drove. I had a friend killed by a drunk driver in high school and don't like to be at the mercy of other people's sobriety.

One of the "requirements" for going to school in the Bay Area is that you must develop an affinity for Journey and Fleetwood Mac.

When I was at college in Sonoma there was a group of polysci professors that gave a holiday party every year...

I only remember going to the big shin-dig once, my first year there. I drove a group of friends out to a house somewhere out in country near Sebastopol and it felt like we were out in the middle of nowhere. I had a huge crush on one of the guys in the car, but it was months (years) until that was sorted out. We drove over the river and through the woods, over the hills and around the bend through a pitch black, crystal-clear frozen night. I know there was drinking both before and during the party and one of the guys in the car (not my crush, maybe his name was Todd?) was singing at the top of his lungs with the windows opened as we sped back to town. He was sitting directly behind me in the back seat, jabbing me in the head with his finger while I drove as he sang...."If - he - e - ver - hurts - you - true - love - won't - de - sert - you - You - know - I - still - love - you...." I know this was the ramblings of a drunk kid but for some reason I always imagined he was really saying those words to me (really, he couldn't have been). It's 13 years later and I still think of that night every time I hear that song. So funny how those things stick.

Something's Missing

This week has been the perfect example of the saying...we make plans and God laughs.  I have been on vacation for the last week and had planned to write a blog a day.  Even if there are only one or two periodic readers, it feels good to get these thoughts out sometimes and feel like someone will hear me.  I traveled last weekend and made notes during the long trip home about things I wanted to write about.  The day I got home my friend Linda and I went and saw John Mayer play (and ran into people I know -- I love it when that happens as it makes me feel like I really live here now).  Then the plans all started to unravel.  I had appointments lined up every day of various types -- doctors, carpet cleaners, classes at the gym, kids hauling off furniture.  Each of my days had a plan and a purpose -- it wasn't necessarily a fun vacation but a time to handle errands and just Get Things Done (I'm borrowing Rebecca's caps).  Getting sick on day two was not part of the plan.  So, it's several days later and I'm not any better and half of the things have been done.  Progress was made and my list was too ambitious anyway.  It's the blogging thing that still had me bothered.  So much to say and no strength to type.  Really, that's just sad.

 

I leave you tonight with the set list from the show last Tuesday...

 

Vultures

I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)

Why Georgia*
Bigger Than My Body

Clarity
Belief*
Gravity

Good Love is On the Way*

In Repair*

Waiting on the World to Change*

No Such Thing*

I Don't Need No Doctor  (seriously honey, don't end your show with a song no one in your demographic knows -- I know you want to bring the blues to the masses -- just put it earlier in the show)

I'm Gonna Find Another You

 

*Yay

 

Oh wait, the title of the post is Something's Missing.  As in, the rest of the list?  So many others songs are missing from that list....Comfortable, Home Life, Tracing, 83, The Heart of Life, Stop This Train, and my favorites Neon and Love Song for No One.  That's not even figuring in the famous ones everyone knows (Daughters, Wonderland).  I guess if we had another couple of hours he could have played those too.  I think Ben Folds had an unusually long set (local boy plays at home and all that) and it probably ate into our show.  Linda spent the next two nights seeing DMB in Boston and they played a ton more songs (and their songs are long).  I guess what I'm getting around to saying is that I was gypped out of a vacation and feel like John owes me more songs.  Think I'll get anyone to pay up?

I Can Do Better

More musings on useless knowledge.

I think what I like about the WSoPC so much is that it's one of those shows where you can use those days spent at the movies or hours on the couch watching tv to make you feel smart. I like Jeopardy too, but I never liked science and they have lots of questions about rocks and gasses. Not so fun. Also, it's only on 2 weeks each summer so it isn't played to death like that Millionaire show was. Plus, this has Pat Kiernan and he may be my favorite media-type guy ever.

One category tonight was Dirty Dancing. Who hasn't seen Dirty Dancing? (other than one of the contestants! seriously -- where do they find these people?) Heck, I just saw it last weekend! Oh my gosh -- some guy just got Baby's real name wrong. Susan? Sooooo not right. It Frances you silly boy. Answers included She's Like the Wind, Kellerman's, Wayne Knight, and watermelons. You can probably guess all the questions.

Hmmmm...lesson's learned watching Dirty Dancing...you can meet cute men while carrying fruit to underground parties, never sleep with the smarmy waiter, mambo brings everyone together...

Good Night

Good night, Canada.

Ants Marching

Promises are made every day.

Promise to finish your homework.
Promise to call me when you get home.
Promise to love me forever.
Promise to help me stop cancer.

Cancer touches everyone at some time or another. It took my grandmother. My oldest friend's mother has battled it several times and is about to battle it again. I had a "scare" of my own recently which turned out to be nothing, but I got a glimpse into what thousands of people go through every single day.

I work in a company that is 90% women. There are more than 150 of us. Statistics show that 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer in their lifetime. That means roughly 19 of us -- so far there have been at least 8. Seven have fought it successfully.

My stepfather Wayne has a wife, two daughters, three granddaughters, a mother, a sister, four nieces and a ton of aunts. What are the odds there?

A few weeks ago I walked in the Race for the Cure here in Raleigh. Twenty-two thousand survivors, and their families and friends walked to raise money for Komen for the Cure. Walking down Hillsborough Street by Meredith College and looking around to see the endless horizon of thousands and thousands of people, like little pink and white ants. The pink ones are miraculous.

I walked with Phyllis (a survivor), and my friends Beth and Sue. I don't have a lot of money to give but I have my feet and some time...I'll do this every year for as long as I can.

You Oughta Know

I love trivia games.

I have stayed late at work so that I can get to the gym in time to watch all of the "good parts" of Jeopardy while I walk my first mile. I don't care about Final Jeopardy -- too many commercials before we get to the "Ancient Forms of Currency" or "Prime Ministers Pets" question.

A few years ago, there was a Rock & Roll version that I was really good at. It was on Sunday mornings and back in the days when it took a written invitation to wake me up on the weekends. (Where did those days go?)

I have a new favorite. The World Series of Pop Culture on VH1. It's on every night for the next week or two and it is so much fun. So far tonight there has been a category of Aaron Spelling shows, songs with guy's names (Mr Jones anyone?) and another funny, yet unfortunate, category of songs about...butts. Who knew there were so many? Who knew I knew so many of them?

I may be the only person I know watching. Seriously! It's dark out so you aren't missing any summer -- go turn on your tv. There is no nutritional value and you probably won't learn much, but you'll have a good time.

Tom's Diner

Thursday - Stonewood Grill for my boss' 60th bday dinner
Friday - Chinese takeout for just me
Saturday - more Chinese & Applebees with Linda
Sunday - Johnny Carinos with Mom & Wayne
Monday - GYM .
Tuesday - Applebees for lunch with a new agent. GYM.
Wednesday - Sawmill Taproom for lunch with Wayne (don't like fried pickles!)
Thursday - Applebees (again) with another new agent. GYM.

Couldn't wait to get home tonight so I could just have a bowl of cereal. Ugh.

Running out of Days

Our last day together was a bit more low-key. After driving through every neighborhood around Rock Creek Park we finally made it to the National Zoo. It was hot. We walked a long, long way. I saw the baby panda.

The lion looked like it wanted to eat everyone. All was right with the world.

Our final night we sort of went to an Orioles game. The game was at 7pm in Baltimore. We left at 5pm to begin a 1 hour drive. Now that I'm accustomed to driving in North Carolina and have forgotten all about "traffic" we completely underestimated the amount of time it would take to drive 50 miles at rush hour. We broke free of the gridlock in DC at just about 6:30pm and still had to drive a really long way. We parked at the first lot we found and walked at least a mile to Camden Yards. I think we got in our seats at the bottom of the 4th inning. About an inning later we went to find food. After the 7th inning stretch we went to look around, find some souvenirs, and then headed for the car. The drive back was much shorter. It was a short game, but by that point we were all exhausted and ready to head home.

This Land is Mine

Our second day in DC brought us to the cemetery in Arlington (which the kids were so not interested in) and to the Capitol (which at least Christian enjoyed). Loretta Sanchez is the Congresswoman for the district the Goveas live in.

We had a cute girl from UC Riverside take us on a tour -- we even got to ride in the congressional subway car that runs between the Capitol and the House office buildings.

One of the funny things about the Capitol: several years ago the Congress asked every state to send two statues that represent the state. These things are sitting in hallways, on stair landings, in the original Senate chamber...just everywhere. Most of them look like they were just dropped wherever they could find room. It's both tacky and charming at the same time.

There are also at least 4 Abraham Lincoln heads -- rough drafts for the Lincoln Memorial perhaps?

Monday night was date night. We went to a cute little brand-new old-time neighborhood development that had a lot of restaurants and a movie theater. Kim and Ed got to spend a little time alone and Auntie Heather got a the kids. We went out to dinner to a restaurant with tablecloths and chopsticks (where the kids were angels) and then Ben & Jerry's. After that, I endured Spiderman 3 with Kaitlyn on my lap for the first hour and half. My legs and my brain were numb. (Spidey's not my thing.)

So Much To Say

This may be the longest vacation of all time...at least in posts. I've been home for 5 weeks and I'm still not done. I'm actually starting to forget...

Washington DC was so much fun. We got tickets for a open-top double-decker bus that had stops all over the city. Our first big stop was the Natural History Museum. We saw tarantulas eating and dinosaurs and the Hope Diamond (I think I'm the only one who wanted to see the diamond). Later we drove around the city and saw Ford's Theater and the National Cathedral (someday I really want to go inside) and Georgetown.

Our walk through the monuments was exciting for the kids. All day long they asked when we were going to see Abraham Lincoln. We actually had a little game each night that started out with the old Walton's joke...goodnight Kaitlyn, goodnight Christian, goodnight Auntie Heather....goodnight George Washington, goodnight Abraham Lincoln, goodnight Thomas Jefferson...for just being six years old Kaitlyn knows a LOT of presidents.

After we got back to the car we drove over to my favorite of the monuments -- the one for Thomas Jefferson. When I was in college I took three or four political philosophy classes and had to study a lot of the work of the founding fathers. His words move me and to stand in such a beautiful space surrounds by his words...it just inspires me.

Make A Memory

Friday morning began our trek to the beach. The Outer Banks are special -- it's a nice, quiet kind of place where you can go and relax. We only had time to spend one night there, so my friends weren't really able to get the whole picture. It was cold and windy, but beautiful at the same time.

We tried to get a little bit of history into the trip so the kids would learn about their surroundings and take some of the sights home with them. To that end, we visited the Wright Brothers monument in Kill Devil Hills.

Ed and his cast couldn't go down to the sand and Kim needed a rest, so I took the kids down to the water. I think I took almost one hundred pictures while we were there. There is a moment in The Bridge to Terebithia where Leslie calls upon the Terebithians to show themselves and all the winds pick up. Kaitlyn called upon them to talk to her too and the waves all started crashing around her. It was so cute.

After a night at the beach we got up early the next morning (with the gang of Bikers for Jesus) and packed up the car. While Christian and I were hitting the breakfast buffet I got into a chat with one of the bikers who looked like someone you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, but he gave me a nice little pamphlet about church services the next day down in Myrtle beach.

Six hours and two states later, we arrived at Mount Vernon. Now, Kim and I stopped by Mount Vernon about four years ago when she came out to visit me before and it rained and rained. Just as we arrived this time, the sky opened up. Now we can say it "always" rains when we go to Mount Vernon. Christian and Kaitlyn seemed to enjoy it. I'm sure it must have been a very difficult lifestyle back then, even for the pampered elite. George and Martha sure had a gorgeous view to wake up to each day. I'd love to get up there to see it in autumn.

From there it was on to the hotel and an evening hanging out at the pool. The pool inside the building. Nice, but odd.

Next up, three days in DC.

[Note on a totally different topic...I sometimes have to dig for my song titles. I finally found this one and not 30 seconds later it was coming out of my TV, during a NHL commercial before the 3rd period of game 5 of the Stanley Cup Final. As I looked over at the screen to see hockey heroes raising the Cup, knowing in all likelihood that a new team should be doing that within an hour or so, thereby ending the Canes reign, they settled on our Rod Brind'amour. Sigh. Only 4 months more.]

Seatbacks and Traytables

My vacation with Kim and her family was wonderful. I was afraid that it would be too long or we'd try to do too much. I'm going to try to write about the best parts, if only so we can look back a year from now and remember what it was like.

The Goveas arrival in Raleigh was a long time in coming. They were supposed to come LAST May, but a new job postponed everything. So, with the kids a year older we embarked on a grand tour of NC and DC. When the day finally came for them to get on the plane and get here already, there was an electrical storm at their stopping point in New York City. If only they're known their layover and delay were going to give them about 7 hours in NYC they could have taken a taxi ride to Times Square.

We spent the first day in Raleigh slowly -- everyone was tired after their 3 am arrival. Add that to a 3 hour time difference and it was a slow morning. We bravely went roller skating. I think Kaitlyn took to it right away, but of course she's the closest to the ground so falling can't have hurt her much. Christian tried for about 5 minutes and was d-o-n-e done. I figure skated for 5 years so roller blades, while different, weren't totally scary for me. Kim did really well too. Ed however, was a story unto himself.

At some point Kaitlyn fell in front of Ed. Ed fell over trying to save his daughter's life. That's his story and he stuck to it all week. In the process he badly sprained his ankle, requiring a trip to the Rex emergency room the next day to get a cast.

Once Ed was casted (?) and fitted with crutches, it was on to our next activity. I wanted them to spend a little time with my mom and Wayne, so they could see the kids for the first time in several years. We decided to go bowling. The kids had a great time and we all got to play for a while. Unfortunately, due to some faulty bowling shoes, Wayne took a tumble and cracked a rib. Apparently, it's dangerous to enjoy any family activities with this group!

Later we went to see The Bridge to Terebithia at Raleighwood. If you've never been to Raleighwood, it's an interesting experience. An old theater fitted with restaurant tables and they feed you dinner while you watch a movies. The Bridge to Terebithia was one of my favorite books when I was Christian's age. Watching the movie, I didn't remember a single part of it except for the creek and the places the kids played, because it was just how I imagined it and it looked just like where I grew up. I even had a bridge across a creek. This movie will figure in later in the trip...

I'm Just a Bill

This blogger is on vacation until the end of the week -- touring DC with friends from CA. They've been here since last Tuesday and we're in DC until Wednesday. Headed to the Capitol today.

Yes it's a long, long journey to the capitol city....

In the Waiting Line

I just had to see if this works...


Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!

Mary Had a Little Lamb

My NC friends know that this is a wonderful area to live in. If I ever have children of my own I want them to be raised in an area like this. If you live here you know the pros and cons (weather, friendliness, proximity to mountains, beaches, sports, theater, blah, blah, blah). Where else can you have 80 degrees of steam and then snow in the very same week? If you don't live here you won't be swayed by a few glowing remarks. You just have to experience this place to understand.

My CA friends think I live in some God-forsaken area where I may be the only person who knows how to read, conjugate a verb correctly or count to 100. I think when Kim and her family arrive next month they will be happily surprised to learn that I have indoor plumbing...and shocked to learn I have more bathrooms in my house than they do in theirs.

So, last week my coworker and I are playing the "this headline says it all game" (some headlines on CNN and MSNBC just don't need to be read further) when one pops up on CNN that said something like "Man Arrested with 80 Sheep in House." We laughed at it and went on with our day. Later I learn he lives in Apex (a suburb of Raleigh). No wonder my friends think I'm nuts.

It Ends Tonight

It's a sad day for Canes fans.  I don't know which is worse: having your team sink to the depths in the standings with half a season left to go, or fighting until the 80th game and losing with two games left.  I think I'd rather hang around to the bitter end.  The hardest part, is that today the whole hockey world is using the "f" word* to describe our skaters.  It's simply not true.

Believe we when I say that I know that hockey is not the most important thing in the world.  It's just that the real world is quite scary at times and it's nice to have such an escape from it.  Some days there doesn't seem like anything to look forward to, and then I realize that 7pm isn't far away and another roller coaster ride is about to begin.  I especially love the nights when I get to be in the arena, driving down Creedmoor with my goofy car flags, watching at the parade of red lights racing down the hill...or better yet the ride home with those same cars and flags, after a big win when everyone honks and waves at each other at stoplights.  I'm going to miss it.

Rest well -- we'll see you in October.  It just seems so far away. 

 

*fluke

Martha My Dear

I share my birthday with Martha Stewart and Martin Sheen.  I can't suddenly decide I want to pretend to be the president, so I decided I wanted to learn to cook.  This isn't a new thing, I've been trying new things for a couple of years now.  This weekend I made my mother's meatloaf and a spinach, bacon and Swiss cheese quiche.  Not bad if I do say so myself -- there may be hope for me yet.

Next Contestant

Online dating, or really, online looking and deleting, sucks. I think married people see those happy little commercials on tv and think "everything is so easy now" and they tell their single friends to go try to meet someone online. Then these sad, single people log in for a happy ever after and well....they have no freaking idea. It is not like buying a new cd or a book on Amazon. Wouldn't that be fun -- I'd like a tall, dark and witty man with limited mommy issues and a good job. If junior high wasn't bad enough -- I've been deleted by cowboys who are only five feet tall, a guy who wears his Star Wars costume as a hobby and someone who listed the five things he can't live without as "sex, beer, pizza, sex, and sex." Puh-leeze. As if.

Dance, Dance

Nine teams are out so far -- who will still be dancing next weekend?

We are running our girls only pool at work again this year. I don't know why the boys won't play with us. Probably because we don't really have any. Poor Sam -- we always leave him out.

My boys are skating tonight, the kids are pounding the hardwoods, I lived through another spinning class and I had wonderful Chinese food for dinner. I definitely like Thursday better than Wednesday.

Something's Always Wrong

The last few weeks have been difficult and I feel like having a good old fashioned pity party. I do know how fortunate I am and shortly I will regain my equilibrium. Tonight, I am simply bummed out. I can't even put my finger on the reason I have the blues...

I think it may be winter doldrums, even though I love winter more than any other time of year. Well, autumn pretty much rocks too.

It could be the routine I've gotten into where nothing ever changes; which isn't even accurate because everything around me is in flux.

I've been lonely lately. My friend Linda lives here now and I've actually been getting out more, which seems to make the rest of the time somehow emptier.

It could be my performance review at work coming this week, where I will probably hear the same thing as last year, even though I really have tried to fix the thing about me that seems to bother everyone so.

Possibly it's my worry about my friend, who is now past the very scary part but needs to be watched (and I am very grateful for that) but it has worn on me and made me homesick.

The hockey season is almost over. It will be a long summer.

I'm irked by the fact that I have gone to my new gym four (four!) times a week for six weeks now and I've lost only half a pound. I've walked 25 miles. I've ridden a fake bike for 50 more. I can leg press my own body weight (I'm not telling how much that is). I've taken a cycling class that while fun and difficult, resulted in me not being able to sit down for two days. It's ok to laugh at the last one.

My last gripe: it's Wednesday

Tomorrow will be better.

Route 66

This is fun -- but don't do it when you are watching 24 -- the ticking clock makes it harder. When you do to this site, the clock starts. You have 10 minutes to type in the names of all 50 states (spelling counts!). My first try I got 46. The second try I only got 43.

http://www.ironicsans.com/state22.html

Singing the song helps.

Hold My Hand

Music from the golden days in your life will always be just that: golden. It can keep you company on a long Saturday in the office. Sometimes it's best played loudly with the car windows open. Some cd's are just so comfortable, you know every beat and chord change and word.

Hootie and the Blowfish eventually turned into a bit of a joke (well, Hootie and his Burger King commercials anyway). I loved Darius Rucker and my roommate loved the naked drummer. Hold My Hand and Let Her Cry were big in the fall of 1994 when I went away to school and they were on the video monitors in the slop house everyday. That was one of the best years of my life and that music was the soundtrack.

This is one of those times when I need to turn my back on everything new and go back home. I have a friend in trouble right now. She's got a scary medical thing going on and I'm very far away. If I was back home (well, three homes ago), I'd be able to take her kids out while she was at the doctor or take her to a movie to get her mind off things. We'd go to dinner and talk about what the doctors said and I'd tell her to stop looking things up on the internet because it only makes it more scary. I'd be able to do something. Anything. I'd be able to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be ok.

I did not grow up with siblings. I have some step-people, but they have each other and don't need me. This girl is the closest thing I'll ever have to a real sister. She's seen me when I was skinny, not-so-skinny, a brat, a saint...we've fought, we've consoled each other's broken hearts. She makes me laugh, she makes me crazy, she made me a Godmother. When my heart was broken and I wanted to hide and never come out into the light, she dragged me to the movies every weekend for eight months. She didn't laugh when I was 17 and wanted to marry a guy whose lifetime aspiration was to become a plumber's assistant. She let me go out into the world and find my own place, but has always let me know that she'd be there if I ever wanted to go back. I've taken her to see parts of the country she may never have seen; she's shown me a life I hope to have on my own someday. She met a great guy and they've brought two beautiful children into this world. I only get to see her a couple of times a year but she is a part of me every day. I love her and can't imagine my life without her. I don't know what is going to happen over the next few weeks, but from across a continent I am going to hold her hand as tightly as I can.