Anna Begins

Tonight I was looking through my CDs and found a totally awesome disk that I didn’t even remember owning. I used to have a bit of a CD buying problem and in the last two years (since I bought my house?) that has dwindled to almost nothing. I think buying songs online has contributed as well. After my recent road trip I’m tired of the same 15 CDs I always tote around with me. Now I feel like I got a new CD and it didn’t cost a thing.

This CD has a song I just adore. A few years ago I was listing to friends play music at a coffee house in Durham (or was it Chapel Hill?) and I almost fell out of my chair when they played this song. I always thought it was mine.

I’m going to listen to it on the way to work tomorrow and remember who I used to be. Hint: it wasn’t Anna.

PS Whatever happened to the Mumbling Beefheads?

Walking in My Shoes

I’ve had a lot going on lately. That’s why I haven’t been showing up here. I wish I could say it was something wonderful, something fantastic. I wish I could say I’d fallen in love and run off with some tall, handsome stranger. I wish I could say I’d won the lottery. I wish for a lot of things. Instead, I just work. A lot.

There have been changes there lately. Not all good. Not all bad. Most requiring more effort and more caring and just…more of everything. Anyone that knows me well knows that when I get stressed out I cut people out and hunker down. The thing is, now I have to pay extra attention to the people and still do more stuff. It’s an acquired skill and I just don’t have it yet.

Goodbye to a River

I love rainy days. The kind where you just want to sit on the couch, bundled in pajamas and an old quilt and finish the book you’ve been working on for weeks. They have to be cloudy, gray, drippy days that aren’t worth going outside.

It’s been ages since we’ve had rain. I really miss it.

Wide Open Spaces

The morning started with a drive from American Canyon (let's just call it Vallejo) to Novato then out to Bodega Bay. Bodega is one of those places where I can just...breathe.

Isn't it heaven?

Then I went to Rohnert Park, where Sonoma State University is located. They have Starbucks now -- of course I found it immediately. I went to the bookstore on campus and it still looked exactly the same as it did the first time I went there, almost 20 years ago as a freshman in high school. The rest of the campus looks totally different.

Something is eating Stevenson Hall.

Going back to the hotel I drove through Santa Rosa, Sonoma and Napa. I was out driving for hours and hours. It was a lovely day.

Welcome to Paradise

I never told y'all the final story with my smeller. I've now had a CT scan, an MRI and spent 2 weeks on steroids to take care of the infection in my sinuses that was literally blocking my sense of smell. The steroids seem to have done the trick and I can smell again. It was scary for a few weeks but everything seems to be much better now.

I've also arrived in Northern California and some of the first things I noticed were the smells. My rental car smells like this weird air freshener that I've only smelled at car washes in California. It is not good.

Vallejo smells like, well...Vallejo. It's sort of a diesel-y seaside swampy thing. My french fries from Bud's smelled (and tasted) much greasier than I remembered. If I go back this trip I need to remember they need salt (and I don't put salt on anything).

I was very disoriented driving up to my hotel. I think some of the freeways have moved (is that possible?) and there are definitely lots of new things. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Learn to Fly

Most days I don't notice just how much the world has changed in the last six years. The aftereffects of 9/11 hasbecome a part of our daily lives and collective history. We are all aware of the changes, but they are not so distressing, especially if you travel often. Stepping out of your shoes, skipping the coffee run on the way to the airport and judging the combined quantity of liquids in your carry-on...it's just what we do now.

As I write this I am on a flight from Dallas to Oakland. I've been planning this trip for months and really looking forward to it for the last week or so. I needed to get away from myself for a while. But sitting here on the airplane, I'm apprehensive and I can't judge if I am overreacting or if I need to be shouting. I think I'm a rational person who tends to look for reasonable explanations for everything. So I will give you my set of circumstances and let you be the judge -- is this normal post-9/11 fear or am I just nuts?

I am sitting near the front of the plane, in the second row of coach in the window seat, with the middle seat empty and a nice older women sitting on the aisle. She mentioned to the flight attendant that she is going to California to visit her daughter and little granddaughter. Normal enough so far, right? Then she asked the flight attendant how many people were in the cockpit and if there were always two people or if sometimes there were three? The flight attendant told her she couldn't discuss security procedures -- Grandma seemed miffed but acquiesced anyway. As soon as the seatbelt light went off she toddled up the restroom in first class (sans shoes) and while the lav in the front is infinitely closer than the one at the back of the plane, it is mere inches from the cockpit and I'm not sure I want her anywhere near it. When she came back she pulled out her cell phone (at you know, 30-something-thousand feet) and tried to make a phone call. Who does that? Is she trying to detonate something she left in the bathroom? Should I say something? Get ready to tackle her if she does anything else suspicious? Or am I completely paranoid?

I'm sure if I was on the ground I would think this was a sweet grandmother who just needed to "go" and didn't want to walk the entire length of the plane, wanted to make sure herself that there was plenty of security up front and as she isn't wearing a watch, was using her cell phone to see what time it was. That is what normal, pre-9/11 me would have thought.

It's really sad and I know it. But just in case, I'm not sleeping the rest of the flight.

Goin Back to Cali

I'm going home tomorrow. Not "where I live my life" home, but "where my heart was born" home. This trip started out as one thing and has turned into something completely different and the closer it gets, the more I know I really, really need it. I'm going to see where little me came to be, where I fell in like (and love) for the first time and places that just make my soul feel at peace. I'm going to see how much it has all changed and grown and see friends that I haven't seen in far too long.

I have this great litte t-shirt from pieces of a girl that I will never be little enough to wear, but I love what it says so it remains in my closet...

"She wasn't afraid to travel down an open road with nothing but horizon to keep her company..."

Kiss From A Rose

I haven't posted anything about it before, but I've been dealing with an usual medical problem. I lost my ability to smell. It was so gradual I didn't really notice it happening. I've always had allergies and figured my inability to smell was being inhibited because of pollen or dust or other gross things I'm going to try to avoid mentioning here. Eventually I had other problems with my ears which led to new allergy medicine and eventually I realized -- I can't smell! Actually, what I realized was that I could smell -- but that it was all wrong. Things that should be lovely, like perfume, smelled like moldy boxes. All milk smelled odd. My dog, who smells like, well, a dog, didn't smell like anything at all. I could put my face in a bunch of flowers and get nothing.

I found a wonderful doctor and tests were run and medicine was taken. I prepared myself to have lost this sense forever -- apparently it's quite common. We were going to rule out all the scary causes and then hope it would come back. Then, suddenly, about a week ago (and only 4 days into a 12 day course of intense pharmaceutical intervention), I smelled something. Something Good. Several Something Good's, actually. Perfume. Barbeque potato chips. Coffee. Wood chips baking in the sun through my open window at a fast-food drive through. My dog. My gym shoes (ok, not all good, but you know what I mean). A basket of muffins. Clean laundry. It has become such a comical experience -- but I need to acknowledge everything I smell. (I sort of feel sorry for my coworkers -- they get an alert every time a scent gets through.)

I am so, so, so lucky. It could have been something much worse. It could have been my sight or my hearing. It could have been something wrong in my head, rather than just my sinuses. My grandmother died from brain cancer and I wasn't aware of it but her first symptom was that she lost the ability to smell. I hadn't told my grandfather any of this until it started to be resolved (I had good news and wanted to share) and I scared him so badly he hung up on me (it's all ok now).

I've started a list of things I really want to smell...rain on the pavement, cinnamon rolls, autumn, a Christmas tree. I don't know if this is something that I'll have to deal with periodically or if it's a one-time-only sort of thing. For now I'm just going to take in everything I can.

Don't Stop Believing

I didn't always love sports. As a kid the only ones I would watch on tv were figure skating and gymnastics. I realized, at age 11, that my dream of competing at the Olympics would never come true. How sad is it to have your dreams dashed at the age of 11 anyway? (Darn that Mary Lou Retton!) Years passed, I grew up and along the way I discovered you can learn to do something just because you like it; you don't have to be the best or brightest and you can settle for less than world domination. Sometimes, it's just fun. For 5 years, starting at age 24, I took figure skating lessons. By the time I stopped I had 5 different jumps. Not good ones, and I didn't exactly get airborne, but if you ever need a demonstration of a salchow or toe loop, I'm your girl.

I think that's what is so magical about the Little League World Series. These are kids who have worked hard but are still having fun. It isn't a job. Someday they will look back and have this great story about something they did when they were 12, but it won't be who they are. I love the research the announcers have on the kids -- favorite players, favorite actors, favorite school subject. Next year I would love to go see Christian play in Williamsport, but really, I'd rather see him play with his friends at home. They grow up too fast as it is.

March Madness is sort of the same thing. Of course there are guys playing who use this as their tryout for the NBA. Those guys are the reason I usually want to change the channel. I watch for the seniors who have never played on tv before, but are getting a shot at the spotlight. They don't even get 15 minutes of fame -- it's more like 15 seconds. They'll go on to be hedge fund managers or dentists who just happen to be really tall.

In a season of scandals, the worst thing that happened in hockey this summer was Eric Staal's bachelor party. A bunch of farm kids getting drunk, being loud and yelling at cars at 4 in the morning (the horror!). This isn't a story about entitled rich brats -- it's just boys being boys and I'm totally OK with it. It sounds like the worst crime committed was that horrible shirt Jordan is wearing in his mug shot. (Seriously, it's like he dressed for jail before the party even started.)

Anyone who has been here before knows I unabashedly love hockey. There is no room for ego on a hockey team. Sure, there are superstars scattered across the league, but only a few are household names. Every guy on the ice is there to support every other one -- there really isn't room for the kind of players you see in football or basketball. At the end of every playoff series, both teams live up to shake hands - no one leaves until it's over. In other sports, the team that loses runs for the locker room (to hide their tears?). Training camp is only a few days away. I can hardly wait.

Celebrity

I was recently doing a little research on Amazon.com for something I needed to buy for work. As usual, I was distracted and wandered into other parts of the site (darn heuristics!). They have a feature that lets people create shopping lists --i.e. If you like John Mayer you'll probably like Jack Johnson, etc. So I started cracking up when I stumbled across this one: 5 Pop Stars You'd Like to Make-Out With (you may use a time machine).

I'm not sure what is funnier, the idea that anyone would sit around and make that specific list (it's rather g-rated), or, the concept that you are allowed to use a time machine. Which you know, doesn't really exist (did I even need to point that out?). Funny.

All These Things That I've Done

Things I didn't do this weekend:
Finish the six (6!) blog postings I've started over the last few weeks but never finished
Write an email to an old friend that I've been meaning to write for about 2 months
Use my backyard grill (maybe that one time was enough?)
Watch any sports, other than highlights of the Little League World Series
Watch any shows I had saved in my tv (I really should just delete them -- I'm never going to watch them)
Call Kim
See the last 30 minutes of The Company because the video feed froze (I did listen though -- but I have no idea how it ended)
Work (yay!)

Things I did do this weekend:
Spent a lovely afternoon with Linda shopping for new clothes (always more fun when you have someone to shop with!)
Baked a quiche
Took a class at the gym
Had a bubble bath
Watched a movie
Read a book
Nothing, for hours at a time. It was wonderful.

Worlds Apart (Separate Ways)

A few things to preface tonight's story:

When out drinking with my friends in college I almost always drove. I had a friend killed by a drunk driver in high school and don't like to be at the mercy of other people's sobriety.

One of the "requirements" for going to school in the Bay Area is that you must develop an affinity for Journey and Fleetwood Mac.

When I was at college in Sonoma there was a group of polysci professors that gave a holiday party every year...

I only remember going to the big shin-dig once, my first year there. I drove a group of friends out to a house somewhere out in country near Sebastopol and it felt like we were out in the middle of nowhere. I had a huge crush on one of the guys in the car, but it was months (years) until that was sorted out. We drove over the river and through the woods, over the hills and around the bend through a pitch black, crystal-clear frozen night. I know there was drinking both before and during the party and one of the guys in the car (not my crush, maybe his name was Todd?) was singing at the top of his lungs with the windows opened as we sped back to town. He was sitting directly behind me in the back seat, jabbing me in the head with his finger while I drove as he sang...."If - he - e - ver - hurts - you - true - love - won't - de - sert - you - You - know - I - still - love - you...." I know this was the ramblings of a drunk kid but for some reason I always imagined he was really saying those words to me (really, he couldn't have been). It's 13 years later and I still think of that night every time I hear that song. So funny how those things stick.

Something's Missing

This week has been the perfect example of the saying...we make plans and God laughs.  I have been on vacation for the last week and had planned to write a blog a day.  Even if there are only one or two periodic readers, it feels good to get these thoughts out sometimes and feel like someone will hear me.  I traveled last weekend and made notes during the long trip home about things I wanted to write about.  The day I got home my friend Linda and I went and saw John Mayer play (and ran into people I know -- I love it when that happens as it makes me feel like I really live here now).  Then the plans all started to unravel.  I had appointments lined up every day of various types -- doctors, carpet cleaners, classes at the gym, kids hauling off furniture.  Each of my days had a plan and a purpose -- it wasn't necessarily a fun vacation but a time to handle errands and just Get Things Done (I'm borrowing Rebecca's caps).  Getting sick on day two was not part of the plan.  So, it's several days later and I'm not any better and half of the things have been done.  Progress was made and my list was too ambitious anyway.  It's the blogging thing that still had me bothered.  So much to say and no strength to type.  Really, that's just sad.

 

I leave you tonight with the set list from the show last Tuesday...

 

Vultures

I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)

Why Georgia*
Bigger Than My Body

Clarity
Belief*
Gravity

Good Love is On the Way*

In Repair*

Waiting on the World to Change*

No Such Thing*

I Don't Need No Doctor  (seriously honey, don't end your show with a song no one in your demographic knows -- I know you want to bring the blues to the masses -- just put it earlier in the show)

I'm Gonna Find Another You

 

*Yay

 

Oh wait, the title of the post is Something's Missing.  As in, the rest of the list?  So many others songs are missing from that list....Comfortable, Home Life, Tracing, 83, The Heart of Life, Stop This Train, and my favorites Neon and Love Song for No One.  That's not even figuring in the famous ones everyone knows (Daughters, Wonderland).  I guess if we had another couple of hours he could have played those too.  I think Ben Folds had an unusually long set (local boy plays at home and all that) and it probably ate into our show.  Linda spent the next two nights seeing DMB in Boston and they played a ton more songs (and their songs are long).  I guess what I'm getting around to saying is that I was gypped out of a vacation and feel like John owes me more songs.  Think I'll get anyone to pay up?

I Can Do Better

More musings on useless knowledge.

I think what I like about the WSoPC so much is that it's one of those shows where you can use those days spent at the movies or hours on the couch watching tv to make you feel smart. I like Jeopardy too, but I never liked science and they have lots of questions about rocks and gasses. Not so fun. Also, it's only on 2 weeks each summer so it isn't played to death like that Millionaire show was. Plus, this has Pat Kiernan and he may be my favorite media-type guy ever.

One category tonight was Dirty Dancing. Who hasn't seen Dirty Dancing? (other than one of the contestants! seriously -- where do they find these people?) Heck, I just saw it last weekend! Oh my gosh -- some guy just got Baby's real name wrong. Susan? Sooooo not right. It Frances you silly boy. Answers included She's Like the Wind, Kellerman's, Wayne Knight, and watermelons. You can probably guess all the questions.

Hmmmm...lesson's learned watching Dirty Dancing...you can meet cute men while carrying fruit to underground parties, never sleep with the smarmy waiter, mambo brings everyone together...

Good Night

Good night, Canada.

Ants Marching

Promises are made every day.

Promise to finish your homework.
Promise to call me when you get home.
Promise to love me forever.
Promise to help me stop cancer.

Cancer touches everyone at some time or another. It took my grandmother. My oldest friend's mother has battled it several times and is about to battle it again. I had a "scare" of my own recently which turned out to be nothing, but I got a glimpse into what thousands of people go through every single day.

I work in a company that is 90% women. There are more than 150 of us. Statistics show that 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer in their lifetime. That means roughly 19 of us -- so far there have been at least 8. Seven have fought it successfully.

My stepfather Wayne has a wife, two daughters, three granddaughters, a mother, a sister, four nieces and a ton of aunts. What are the odds there?

A few weeks ago I walked in the Race for the Cure here in Raleigh. Twenty-two thousand survivors, and their families and friends walked to raise money for Komen for the Cure. Walking down Hillsborough Street by Meredith College and looking around to see the endless horizon of thousands and thousands of people, like little pink and white ants. The pink ones are miraculous.

I walked with Phyllis (a survivor), and my friends Beth and Sue. I don't have a lot of money to give but I have my feet and some time...I'll do this every year for as long as I can.

You Oughta Know

I love trivia games.

I have stayed late at work so that I can get to the gym in time to watch all of the "good parts" of Jeopardy while I walk my first mile. I don't care about Final Jeopardy -- too many commercials before we get to the "Ancient Forms of Currency" or "Prime Ministers Pets" question.

A few years ago, there was a Rock & Roll version that I was really good at. It was on Sunday mornings and back in the days when it took a written invitation to wake me up on the weekends. (Where did those days go?)

I have a new favorite. The World Series of Pop Culture on VH1. It's on every night for the next week or two and it is so much fun. So far tonight there has been a category of Aaron Spelling shows, songs with guy's names (Mr Jones anyone?) and another funny, yet unfortunate, category of songs about...butts. Who knew there were so many? Who knew I knew so many of them?

I may be the only person I know watching. Seriously! It's dark out so you aren't missing any summer -- go turn on your tv. There is no nutritional value and you probably won't learn much, but you'll have a good time.

Tom's Diner

Thursday - Stonewood Grill for my boss' 60th bday dinner
Friday - Chinese takeout for just me
Saturday - more Chinese & Applebees with Linda
Sunday - Johnny Carinos with Mom & Wayne
Monday - GYM .
Tuesday - Applebees for lunch with a new agent. GYM.
Wednesday - Sawmill Taproom for lunch with Wayne (don't like fried pickles!)
Thursday - Applebees (again) with another new agent. GYM.

Couldn't wait to get home tonight so I could just have a bowl of cereal. Ugh.

Running out of Days

Our last day together was a bit more low-key. After driving through every neighborhood around Rock Creek Park we finally made it to the National Zoo. It was hot. We walked a long, long way. I saw the baby panda.

The lion looked like it wanted to eat everyone. All was right with the world.

Our final night we sort of went to an Orioles game. The game was at 7pm in Baltimore. We left at 5pm to begin a 1 hour drive. Now that I'm accustomed to driving in North Carolina and have forgotten all about "traffic" we completely underestimated the amount of time it would take to drive 50 miles at rush hour. We broke free of the gridlock in DC at just about 6:30pm and still had to drive a really long way. We parked at the first lot we found and walked at least a mile to Camden Yards. I think we got in our seats at the bottom of the 4th inning. About an inning later we went to find food. After the 7th inning stretch we went to look around, find some souvenirs, and then headed for the car. The drive back was much shorter. It was a short game, but by that point we were all exhausted and ready to head home.

This Land is Mine

Our second day in DC brought us to the cemetery in Arlington (which the kids were so not interested in) and to the Capitol (which at least Christian enjoyed). Loretta Sanchez is the Congresswoman for the district the Goveas live in.

We had a cute girl from UC Riverside take us on a tour -- we even got to ride in the congressional subway car that runs between the Capitol and the House office buildings.

One of the funny things about the Capitol: several years ago the Congress asked every state to send two statues that represent the state. These things are sitting in hallways, on stair landings, in the original Senate chamber...just everywhere. Most of them look like they were just dropped wherever they could find room. It's both tacky and charming at the same time.

There are also at least 4 Abraham Lincoln heads -- rough drafts for the Lincoln Memorial perhaps?

Monday night was date night. We went to a cute little brand-new old-time neighborhood development that had a lot of restaurants and a movie theater. Kim and Ed got to spend a little time alone and Auntie Heather got a the kids. We went out to dinner to a restaurant with tablecloths and chopsticks (where the kids were angels) and then Ben & Jerry's. After that, I endured Spiderman 3 with Kaitlyn on my lap for the first hour and half. My legs and my brain were numb. (Spidey's not my thing.)